


The Way We Speak

by makoharuheartandsoul (narmeenypuff)



Category: Free!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Introspection, Jealousy, M/M, Tumblr: makoharufestival, a tiny bit of angst, jealous!Haru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3449588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narmeenypuff/pseuds/makoharuheartandsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto Tachibana had always understood Haruka Nanase better than anyone else in the world, but there was one mysterious expression in particular that he could never puzzle out.</p><p>A winner of the Official Makoharu Festival 2015! Thank you to everyone who voted! :D <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way We Speak

**Author's Note:**

> A winner of the Official Makoharu Festival 2015 on tumblr, round 2, for the theme 'Sudden Insight'. It's on their tumblr [here](http://theofficialmakoharufestival.tumblr.com/post/112285750335/username-makoharuheartandsoul-beta-none-round).

It was common knowledge that Makoto Tachibana was Haruka Nanase’s best friend. It was also common knowledge that Makoto understood Haru better than anyone. Their understanding of each other was so special that they didn’t need to speak out loud when it was just the two of them. It was their comfortable friendship that started a rumor that the boys could read each other’s minds, but as happy as that made Makoto feel, it wasn't true. Their "mind reading" was a result of Makoto’s tireless dedication towards reading Haruka’s expressions, examining his body language, and watching those deep blue eyes that often felt like they held more emotion than the entire world combined. Yes, Makoto knew that he could read Haru better than anyone. But there was one expression of Haru’s in particular that he could never place.

Makoto knew exactly what the expression _looked_ like, but he could never figure out what it meant. The first thing that he understood was that it was some sort of a mixture of irritation and frustration. It reminded Makoto of the look Haru had when protecting him, but there was also a slight shadow of the expression Haru had when looking at water. Sometimes it looked similar to mild annoyance, and sometimes it made Makoto think of the dangerous expression Haru had when someone insulted the water.

The mystery expression happened often around Kisumi, which solidified Makoto’s theory that it might just be a weird form of annoyance, but Makoto knew it was definitely something more. Haru would glare at Kisumi, do everything he could to get away from him, and then afterword would become very clingy towards Makoto. Not that Makoto minded. Haru was so cute when he was clingy, and it reminded Makoto of a little angry cat. 

Makoto also saw Haru's mystery expression when some of their classmates would come talk to Makoto, mostly girls who didn't understand some of the class work. Makoto never minded helping them, but he was always hyperaware of Haru’s gaze boring into the back of his head. It was then that Makoto realized that instead of annoyance, it could be Haru wanting more attention, and so Makoto began to spoil Haru every time he made the expression. 

Makoto’s tactic seemed to work. Although Haru wouldn't admit it, his eyes would sparkle when Makoto said sorry to their female classmates because he and Haru were going to eat on the roof today, or when Makoto turned down an invitation from Kisumi to play basketball so he could spend another lazy afternoon at Haru's house. 

And if Haru was still a bit more clingy than usual, then that was just a bonus. Makoto was worried at first that Haru maybe felt like he was losing Makoto, because he knew Haru could be a bit overprotective, if not…

…jealous?

Makoto was snapped out of his train of thoughts at the word that popped into his head. He looked over at Haru, who was sitting at the kotatsu beside Makoto, doing his math homework. Haru delicately bit his lip as he thought of the answer, and Makoto subconsciously tracked the movement with his eyes. All of Makoto's previous guesses for what Haru's mystery expression meant never completely fit. Annoyance? Wanting more attention? Overprotectiveness? It was a mix of all of these. Could it actually be jealousy that Haru was feeling? The thought felt foreign to Makoto. He tried hard to wrack his brain for a memory of Haru being jealous, but he could think of nothing. He had no memory of the face Haru made when he was jealous, so he had no idea if the mystery expression was indeed jealousy.

"Makoto?" Haru asked, slightly tilting his head. _What's wrong?_

Makoto nervously scratched the back of his head. He knew that they couldn't _really_ read each other’s minds, but when Haru looked at him with such scrutiny, Makoto found it hard to be so sure.

"Ahh, I was just thinking," Makoto answered truthfully, trying not to panic.

Haru blinked, and his long pretty lashes caught Makoto’s attention like a moth drawn to heat. Makoto inwardly scolded himself. Makoto had always appreciated Haru's features, for as long as he could remember. Even when they were younger, Haru was beautiful to him, and that hadn't changed when they had grown older, which was exactly the problem - _Makoto wasn't growing out of Haru._

_How long can I keep this up, before he notices?_

Makoto thought back to Haru's mystery expression. Yes, jealousy seemed like a reasonable explanation, but maybe that was because Makoto’s hope was being projected on to reality.

Aware of Haru's gaze and tongue tied by his inner turmoil, Makoto merely tilted his head and smiled at Haru, until Haru huffed and turned away. Makoto’s gaze continued to hover over his best friend, and Makoto felt like he was going crazy when he saw a beautiful light pink color dusting Haru's cheeks.

_He's embarrassed, not blushing. Actually, it's probably not even there. I'm imagining things._

"Makoto," Haru turned back to him with a frown. 

"Y-yes, Haru??" Makoto said, flinching at his stuttering. 

 _It's just Haru!_ Makoto reminded himself. But that seemed to make matters worse, because Haru was never _just_ Haru. He was _Haru._

Makoto groaned. Now his mind wasn't making sense anymore. 

Haru sighed.

"You're being weird," Haru looked at him pointedly until Makoto realized he had groaned out loud.

This was one of those extremely rare times where Makoto wished that they _weren't_ so intimately familiar with each other. Makoto knew everything about Haru, and Haru knew everything about Makoto. They understood the other better than they understood them selves. That meant that there was no escape for Makoto - no escape from Haru. 

Haru was everywhere, because Haru was his everything. 

Makoto hastily looked away from those shimmering, deep blue orbs. Today wasn't the right day to tell Haru. He couldn't say it when he felt like he was going insane, although the urge was there. Makoto knew his resolve would crumble if he looked at Haru, so instead he abruptly stood up.

"Ahh, Haru I should really get going, mom is going to call me for dinner soon," Makoto said, still facing away from Haru.

There was a pause. "Dinner is in an hour, Makoto."

Makoto chuckled nervously. Of course Haru knew his family’s schedule. Haru was practically a part of it. "I… I forgot something at home," Makoto said, and he was sure that Haru knew it was an excuse, but at this point he just had to _leave._ His mind felt clouded and he was definitely panicking now. _What if Haru sees through me and recognizes what I’ve been hiding for all this time?_

Makoto didn't wait for Haru to say something as he quickly packed up his things and left the room. He paused at the front door, when uneasiness filled him about how Haru would take his departure. Would he worry? Would he be bothered? Would he feel hurt?

Makoto stepped back into the room, and gathered all his courage to face Haru. He couldn’t just leave like this. He had to say something, so that Haru wouldn’t worry. When Makoto raised his eyes to meet Haru’s, he saw Haru's face light up. Makoto’s stomach dropped. He never wanted to cause Haru any anxiety, ever. His feelings could be put aside for the moment to make sure that Haru was okay. 

Makoto smiled at Haru, a real smile from the bottom of his heart. His love for Haru was something that no amount of internal panic could change. "I’ll see you later, Haru-chan."

Haru pouted cutely and turned his face away. "Drop the –chan," he answered immediately.

Makoto smiled brighter. To anyone else, it was a simple goodbye, but to Haru and Makoto, it was their own way of saying _it's okay, I understand_ , even when they didn’t quite understand their own selves. 

* * *

Makoto was still being weird. 

Haru let out a silence huff as he tuned out Miss Amakata’s lecture, knowing that Makoto would cover anything Haru missed. Usually Haru _tried_ to pay attention, but today his thoughts were concentrated on Makoto, and there was no way he could pay attention when he was thinking of Makoto.

Haru’s head was turned towards the window, seemingly watching the ocean beyond. At least, that was what everyone thought Haru did all day in class. Not even Makoto knew the real reason Haru faced the window, because if Makoto knew, Haru would probably die of embarrassment.

Haru viewed Makoto’s reflection in the glass, mesmerized by the color of his soft fluffy hair, observing the glint of green as it scanned the textbook in front of him. Haru watched as Makoto quickly scribbled something down, then bit the eraser end of his pencil. Makoto shook his head slightly, paused, nodded, and then wrote something else down.

Everything was completely normal, until Makoto paused halfway through writing. His studious expression slipped and he glanced over to Haru. Makoto’s expression was a bit blurred by his reflection in the window, and Haru found that he couldn’t understand it. It usually wasn’t rare for Makoto to suddenly stop writing and glance over to see how Haru was doing, but every time he did so, without a doubt, Haru would see him smiling. Makoto always smiled at Haru, even when he didn’t know Haru was watching.

Makoto wasn’t smiling today.

Haru’s worry only increased when it was lunchtime. Makoto smiled at Haru normally, talked to him normally, and handed Haru a bento from his mom. Despite having the appearance of normality, Haru could still _feel_ a difference. There was something wrong, and Haru was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Conferring with the water would have to wait until after school, so Haru decided to keep a close eye on Makoto until then.

Nagisa and a flustered looking Rei joined them for lunch, and Haru noticed that Rei was acting weird today too. His indignant sputtering was a lot less than usual, and he even let Nagisa steal some of his lunch. When Nagisa teased Rei, Rei only blushed silently, looking down into his food.

Haru narrowed his eyes, looking from Rei to Nagisa, and then to Makoto. Nagisa was mischievous, and Haru wouldn’t put it past him to be the reason for everyone’s sudden unusual attitudes.

When Makoto excused himself to go to the bathroom, Haru used his absence as an opportunity. He wasted no time.

Haru whipped his head to Nagisa. “Makoto’s acting weird. Did you say something to him?”

Nagisa eyes widened, and then he pouted. “Haru-chan! It's mean to accuse me!”

“Well statistically, you are the most likely person to be the culprit behind people behaving abnormally,” Rei pointed out.

Nagisa batted his eyelashes at Rei, which had the interesting effect of making Rei cough and look away.

“Nagisa. What did you do?” Haru prompted, starting to get irritated.

Nagisa heaved a long and drown out sigh. “I had nothing to do with it this time,” he hung his head and moped, as if that was unfortunate. 

Haru paused. Nagisa wasn’t acting suspicious, so Haru ruled him out as the reason behind Makoto’s weirdness. “Okay, I believe you.”

“Yay!” Nagisa exclaimed, as he jumped on Haru and engulfed him in a hug. Haru frowned, but subtly patted Nagisa’s hair in affection. Nagisa had always been a professional at bringing out Haru’s tender side.

Haru heard Makoto’s voice, and looked up to see him approaching them, chuckling. Haru could immediately tell that something was different. It was almost like Makoto was back to normal.

Makoto tilted his head, and smiled gently at him. Haru felt his chest warm at the tender look in Makoto’s lowered eyes, and pushed Nagisa off so he could get up.

“We should get back to class,” Makoto smiled, prompting everyone to pack up their lunches and head to their respective classes.

Haru and Makoto reached their class a few minutes early, and sat down at their desks. Haru immediately looked at the window, watching Makoto’s reflection as he settled down and took out his notebooks. It really did seem like Makoto had returned to normal, and Haru didn’t know what to think of that.

A couple of girls from their class sauntered up to Makoto, flipping their long hair in an obvious move to flirt with him. When they reached him, they surrounded him in a circle until Haru couldn’t see Makoto from his window. Haru scowled, but he didn’t turn around. One of the girls leaned on Makoto’s desk, and Haru heard Makoto amicably chatting to the girls.

Haru felt his stomach knot. He still couldn’t see Makoto through the window. Haru wanted to turn around, to glare at the girls in a way that told them that Makoto was _his._ But Haru didn’t want to see Makoto’s face as he flirted with their classmates. Haru knew in the back of his mind that any flirting by Makoto was unintentional, and probably not even flirting at all, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“Tachibana-kun, you have such big muscles,” a girl with a sickeningly sweet voice cooed. Haru was surprised at her words. Usually the girls were never so bold.

“Well… the swim team needs to be in shape…” Makoto said, a bit uncomfortably.

Haru growled, snapping his head towards Makoto. Flirting was one thing (it made Haru jealous of course, but in the end he never did anything about it) but making Makoto uncomfortable was crossing the line. Haru had always been Makoto’s protector, so he easily slipped into the role once more. 

Haru turned his body completely to face the crowd around Makoto’s desk, then leaned back in his chair so it scraped loudly against the floor. The girls turned to him, and Haru saw Makoto’s eyes widen. Haru ignored him and glared at the girls, hissing at them until their eyebrows creased together in worry, and they left without another word.

Haru was saved from Makoto’s questioning gaze when Miss Amakata finally walked into the class. He turned back to the window smugly. There was no way the girls would bother Makoto again, at least not for a while.

* * *

Makoto was stumped. Was that jealousy, just now?

Makoto sighed into his notebook. He had finally given up on catching Haru’s eye, and instead resigned himself to a long class of Haru-filled thoughts. Makoto had spent all of last night thinking about Haru - about the expression that Makoto was trying in equal amounts to convince himself that it was definitely jealousy, but also that it wasn’t jealousy at all. In the end, he just succeeded in making himself even more confused. His mind had still been whirring all morning, until went to the bathroom during lunch to calm down. It was then that he told himself that it was useless to dwell on these thoughts, that Haru rarely made the mystery expression after all, and that he was just going to drive himself crazy if he kept over thinking it.

After that Makoto decided to just push the thoughts out of his head, and he felt a lot better. That is, until, Haru decided to chase away their classmates with an intensity that made Makoto shiver. So now the thoughts were back in full force. Was it annoyance, overprotectiveness, or jealousy?

Makoto turned to watch Haru, knowing that it would probably be useless for him to even try to pay attention in class now. Haru was staring out the window as usual, watching the ocean that reflected the sun beautifully. Makoto let a small smile slip on to his lips. The ocean was so beautiful. It was beautiful, and deep, and mysterious. Makoto flicked his gaze back to Haru. Haru was kind of like the ocean in that way, but Haru was comforting instead of terrifying. Makoto wouldn’t mind getting lost in Haru.

Makoto watched Haru’s chest expand with every breath, seeing the delicate, almost feminine curve of Haru’s back. Haru looked so perfect, so beautiful, even while doing the most mundane of tasks. It was times like this that made Makoto want to learn how to draw well, so that he could capture Haru’s essence within a canvas.

Makoto’s gaze was drawn back towards the ocean, and Makoto thought he could understand why Haru watched it so intently every day. It was beautiful color, as dark blue as Haru’s eyes, as sparkling as Haru’s eyes, as lovely as Haru’s eyes, and…

Makoto blinked. He realized that he wasn’t watching the ocean, but the dazzling reflection of Haru’s eyes in the window - eyes that were staring straight at Makoto.

Makoto felt panic bubble up within him again. He was paranoid. That had to be it. Of course Haru wasn’t looking at him in the window. He was simply staring at the ocean, like he did everyday, and his eyes were just being reflected off the surface.

For some reason those thoughts made Makoto’s heart twinge in pain. Haru wasn’t looking at Makoto, because Haru…

Haru didn’t love Makoto the way Makoto loved him.

* * *

Makoto was acting weird, yet again.

Haru was worried even more this time, because he thought he saw a flash of pain in Makoto’s eyes in class, before Makoto turned away from Haru and focused on the lecture. It could have been a trick of the light, or just Haru’s eyes misinterpreting the blurry, reflective surface that he saw Makoto through, but Haru felt it in his bones, and Haru always trusted his instincts.

They were at swim practice now, and Haru’s eyes were so glued to Makoto that it was a wonder why no one called him out on it. Admittedly, Haru felt his eyes were always glued on Makoto, but no one ever noticed. Haru had perfected the technique of secret Makoto-watching a while ago, and was proud of it.

Makoto breached the surface of the water at the same time Haru did, and Haru watched him roll his shoulders and talk to Gou about his time. Haru did a couple of laps in the pool, always watching Makoto whenever he came up for a breathe of air. The water helped Haru with his worries. It cushioned Haru in its embrace, protecting him from his thoughts. Haru knew that he would have to leave the pool and face reality soon, but for now he let himself selfishly take what the pool had to offer. 

Haru basked in the water’s depth until he heard a familiar voice that caused him to automatically scowl, and saw a mop of strawberry blonde hair bounce up to the gate that surrounded their pool.

“Haru! Makoto!” Kisumi called, and Haru saw Rin and Sousuke following close behind him. Haru caught Makoto smile and wave to them from the corner of his eye, and Haru simply turned to face Kisumi’s direction coldly. Why was he even here? And why were Rin and Sousuke here too?

Gou jumped up at the sight of her brother, and opened the side gate to let the three of them inside. Nagisa squealed and jumped out of the pool (with Rei calling after him and lecturing him on the dangers of running on a wet surface), and ran towards the new arrivals with a ‘Rin-chan and Sou-chan and Kisu-chan’! Nagisa unintentionally tackled Sousuke in a bear hug, because Rin had ducked behind the taller boy and effectively made Sousuke Nagisa’s victim.

Sousuke looked down at Nagisa and lifted an eyebrow. “Off,” he growled.

Nagisa smiled widely and skirted around Sousuke until he had Rin in his arms (or death lock, depending on your perspective). By now, Makoto and Rei were out of the pool and talking to the group. Makoto glanced back at Haru disapprovingly, as if telling him not to be rude and to come and say hello, but Haru stubbornly crossed his arms and turned his head away from Makoto. Haru did want to greet Rin and maybe even Sousuke, but he didn’t want to be near Kisumi. Kisumi was getting even touchier with Makoto lately, and Haru swore he did it just to tease Haru.

Seconds later, the shadow of Makoto loomed over Haru. Haru slowly looked up, taking in the contours of Makoto’s muscled legs before drifting to those warm, inviting hands, and then finally landing on Makoto’s gentle, handsome face.

Haru paused before taking Makoto’s hand. He definitely wasn’t making up the small amount of pain in Makoto’s eyes. Haru bit his lip in worry, but let Makoto pull him up. His eyes never left Makoto’s, even as Kisumi came bounding up to them and put his arm around Haru’s shoulders. Makoto let go of Haru’s hand, and Haru immediately missed the warmth.

“It’s been a long time, Haru!” Kisumi cheerfully said. Haru pushed him off, only for Kisumi to switch to touching _Makoto._

Kisumi’s arms could hardly reach around Makoto’s shoulders, so instead Kisumi wrapped his arm around Makoto’s waist.

Haru silently shook with fury.

“Why are you here,” Haru gritted his teeth, and it wasn’t a question, not really.

Kisumi continued to grin, oblivious, but Makoto caught on right away. “Haru…?” Makoto asked, his eyes slanting with worry.

Haru took a step closer towards Kisumi, his body practically oozing with menace.

“I saw Rin and Sousuke on my way home, and I thought I’d come surprise you,” Kisumi said, and stuck out his tongue playfully. He turned to Makoto. “Oh by the way Makoto, there’s this new bakery that opened close by, would you like to go with me sometime?”

“Uhm…” Makoto was looking at Haru with an odd expression.

Kisumi looked between the two of them, and realizing his mistake he let go of Makoto and bounced back on to Haru. “Haru can come too, of course.”

Haru dropped his gaze from Makoto. He could still feel himself shaking slightly, and he felt like he was in shock. He knew what this really was – Kisumi wanted to go on a date with Makoto, but was forced to invite Haru too.

Haru really did want Makoto to enjoy himself, with friends other than him. He wanted Makoto to be happy, but he was selfish. He was selfish, and uncontrollably jealous, because Makoto really was his. And Haru was Makoto’s. It had been that way since forever, and Haru didn’t think he could handle it if that constant was taken away from him.

As a final act of defiance, Haru forced himself to look back up into Makoto’s eyes. He knew it was cowardly, and stupid, but Haru couldn’t just _tell_ Makoto not to go with Kisumi. He couldn’t tell him to stay with Haru, and couldn’t tell him to never leave.

Or at least, he could never say the words out loud. But maybe, like how Haru told Makoto all his biggest, deepest thoughts with his eyes and his expressions, he could also tell Makoto his biggest secret of all.

_I love you, Makoto. Stay with me._

* * *

Makoto was being pulled under the ocean tide.

He was drowning.

Drowning in Haru’s deep blue eyes.

How had he never seen it before?

It was so painfully obvious now. 

He understood.

The sudden realization almost knocked Makoto to the ground. It was amazing, how one small moment in someone’s life could change everything. How one moment, Makoto was pining after Haru, and the next, he couldn’t even remember what it even felt like to pine. It was as if it had always been the two of them, Makoto and Haru.

Maybe it had always been the two of them, but they never understood it until now. Maybe it always would be the two of them, even after they died, because something as powerful as their friendship and as beautiful as their love could never be separated.

Makoto watched as Haru’s cheeks reddened, but their eyes never left each other. Makoto was sure his face was bright red by now, and probably his ears and neck and chest too. Their gazes were locked together, because that’s how they were saying the words, over and over again. 

 _I love you, Haru. I love you. I love you so much. I have always loved you._

_I love you too, Makoto. It’s… it’s always been you._

_I love you so much, Haru-chan. It’s always been you, too._

_… I love you too, Makoto._

_Haru, I –_

_Shut up and kiss me._

As if in a trance, Makoto took that last step towards Haru, before he felt something tug on his arm.

The touch broke them out of their own little world, and Haru and Makoto turned to see Kisumi hanging off of Makoto’s arm.

“It’s great that you two love birds are having fun, but I’ve been asking you the same thing for like five minutes,” Kisumi raised an eyebrow, and Makoto realized that every one else was watching them with the same confused looks.

Makoto frowned, and turned back to Haru, and –

There it was.

Haru was sporting the mysterious expression again, but this time, Makoto knew exactly what it meant. There were no doubts left.

Jealous Haru was _cute._

Jealous Haru was apparently also very demanding, because he quickly pushed Kisumi off of Makoto, and wrapped his arms around Makoto’s neck. Makoto sputtered and glowed a rosy red, before Haru’s lips crashed into his own in what was a slightly painful, completely possessive, but absolutely perfect first kiss.

Haru broke the kiss way too soon, with his arms still around Makoto’s neck, and Makoto just stared blankly at him in a daze. He was so far gone he didn’t even register the applause in the background, or how Haru turned to hiss at Kisumi and said ‘mine’, or how Kisumi smugly grinned and told Haru that he was just teasing them all along.

When Haru scowled at Kisumi, Makoto proceeded to kiss that expression off of him.

When Haru blushed at the very intimate public display of affection, Makoto kissed him again.

When Haru frowned in embarrassment and tried to tell Makoto to stop, Makoto kissed him again and again, until Haru forgot how to talk – with both his mouth and his eyes. 

All that was left was their love and mutual understanding of each other, which Makoto realized would just increase every single day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you for everyone who voted for this little fic for the 2015 Makoharu festival! You guys are honestly the greatest, and I love you all! ^-^ <3
> 
> You can come talk to me at my tumblr, [makoharuheartandsoul.tumblr.com](http://www.makoharuheartandsoul.tumblr.com)! :D
> 
> Also I've realized I can only write a jealous/possessive Haru, but I'm not sure if that's a bad thing ^-^


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